When Things Don't Come Out Right

I've been contemplating whether to reply. Had I replied immediately when I'd first seen it, I think the cycle may have repeated again. What happened to putting in work to improve yourself? I know its hard.. trust me, I know. But your post makes it harder for both of us to move on, you know. It's just been two weeks; you may miss me now, but as time goes by, you will find it more and more pointless to brood over me, and will forget me, eventually. And there's a good probability that I will move on too. From either or both of you. It will be hard for me as well. It's hard for us. So let's do our best to improve ourselves while we're gone, okay? Let us be better versions of ourselves for our next partner, be it us again or someone else. I really don't think you should read on. But, my thoughts: https://www.tools4noobs.com/online_tools/decrypt/ Des, CBC, Base64 YrMApG91Z9+Se3st+SsL8Lu5zFLhoyQ+0pSOebEZrzO7jh5g3iIpne9ZDU3qY40cn...

hey ashkie, yea, you're pretty much on point throughout your post. no self-control, guilt, shame, uncertainty, hidden reasons, doubts. everything, even if small ones, piles up together eventually and becomes too heavy to bear. and costed our relationship, which i probably shouldn't have went for when i wasn't ready. so many decisions that i made on a whim these past months which caused so much grief within the 3 of us. i definitely need to reflect and find back myself before i get together with anyone, be it with you, her, or someone else. i would have to get over both of you; right now at my current state, i would long for one if i'm with the other. i would have to learn to move on, learn from my mistakes and forgive myself too; not sure how i'm gonna do that, but i'll manage eventually.  you definitely deserve better, not just me at my best, but also potentially someone else better too. you probably heard it a thousand times already, but i'm ju...

hey ashkie, This will be the last time I write something like this to you too, so if you're going to read this, bear with me a little. (Pardon me if there're grammar mistakes or mispelt shiet or things that might not make sense, i wrote it in one sitting my eyes cmi alr, will proof read again) I owe you an honest explanation to the times when I left you. The very first time when I did it, it was partly because I wasn't ready to commit again, and also because I missed her, and wanted to fix things with her. On the night before I broke up with you, I met up with her. We had dinner and talked. I told her about us being together. I asked for her forgiveness, and she was willing to. But she demanded for your number, which I denied a couple of times. I shouldn't have went to find her when I was still with you, and the only thing left to do was to end things with you the next day. I promised her that, and I prepared my heart for the next day. Then I met with you, and we...

to ashkie: There's so many things I wanted to tell you. These past few days I wanted to say how much I miss you. I wish that I could just walk up to you, hug you, and leave everything behind me. And that is what I would want to do if we get back together again. My 101%, all in you. I want to text you. I want to know how you're doing. I want to be there for you and listen to you when your tears flow. I want to call you and cry about how much I died inside today, and the days to come; how I really, really missed you. But I hope you would take this time to think it through as well. With all the things I'd done, someone like me isn't really worth it. At this very moment, you may feel you might never find someone like me again. You may be right; I thought the same way a decade ago too, but someone better will definitely come along. I sincerely wish that you could move on. If too much time elapsed when I woken up and you're gone, I would chase you all over agai...

to ashkie: We got together. Surreal, bizzare, but we were finally together. What we thought was a tragic love story actually brought us together as one. I did have my insecurities as well. A lot of them, in fact. One of my deepest fears was that you would mind my socioeconomic status when you first came over. I was afraid I'm too much of a home guy for you. I was afraid you would be bored of me. Even when I was young around your age, my life was extremely mundane. My family background is pretty complicated and messed up. I don't exactly have a 10/10 relationship with my mum. Although I'm working, there are bills I have to pay, money I had to save for a possible future to get out of this hole; I was afraid I can't give you enough. Due to our gap and the different phases that we're in, I'm worried that you might feel lonely. I sometimes do need to recharge alone, and I was worried you might feel left out. I sometimes feel a little jelly when you're out, o...

to ashkie: So we parted after Christmas. I confessed whatever I did to my then partner too on the next day. I thought we could move on; I would learn from my mistake, make things right for us three. Then my nosy ass decided to continue asking about you. I wanted us to remain as gaming buddies. Even if our stars weren't aligned, I didn't want to lose someone so special to me. On new year's eve, we somehow continued to stay on the call after the games. I missed you, and wanted to at least be there for you awhile, for one more time, listening to you cry and chug your beer. When you finally decided to sleep, I was really sad. But hey, gotta move on. So I wanted to listen to you sleep, as if you were right next to me, because I would never get to experience that. Just let the batteries die off as I listened throughout, so I thought. Then I heard your voice. I'm not even sure how I could have woken up; I would normally be in a deep slumber if I slept so late and it w...